Emotional Responsibility

When someone is not aware of their emotions, they often live reacting to what comes from outside. That is, circumstances and events awaken in them automatic and unconscious emotions, and they react by letting themselves get carried away by these emotions. But acting this way, one loses the possibility of consciously choosing one's behaviors. We call this a pattern of conditioned or unconscious behavior.

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Limiting unconscious emotions often correspond to unhealed past wounds. The emotions are so habitual and old for us that we have identified with them, and therefore we do not perceive them. That is why it is difficult to understand where they come from, so they may later be changed. They might even seem part of our "personality", which removes both the possibility of seeing them in context and of having the power to experience them differently.

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We all have witnessed situations where someone was "carried away" by intense emotion, for example anger. If we observe carefully the attitude and behavior at the moment of the emotional identification, it is clear that people feel they “are” their anger and not that they “are angry.” In the same way, a person who has lost a loved one often feels that they “are” their pain rather than perceiving that they are “in pain.” This is the fundamental difference between pain and suffering. When we develop the ability to observe our emotions of pain, we can feel the pain without becoming it. Suffering occurs when we identify with the emotion, thus limiting our ability to process it.

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We are used to holding others accountable for how we feel. In other words, we put the focus outside, instead of putting it within us.

How many times do we look for a culprit for what we feel? People use phrases like, "You make me mad" or "You make me feel bad." It would be, without a doubt, more accurate to say that: "what happened makes me feel in such a way or awakens this emotion in me."

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Certainly, blaming others does not resolve the situation, rather it complicates it. The solution always comes first by learning to manage our pain, jealousy, anger or sadness. Once we are aligned with our axis, we have more clarity to adopt the appropriate behavior for the situation, make better decisions and suffer less.

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This does not mean that we cannot express and manifest how we feel about others when appropriate or necessary. Rather, we take responsibility for how we feel instead of giving up the control of our well-being or discomfort. With this shift, we recover our own power and freedom. There are situations when feeling upset or angry is natural. But even in the most painful situations, it never helps to project our emotions onto others.